Confession Time

Well, I'm back up to at least 162. I didn't weigh myself this morning. What happened? The Japan quake, nuclear fallout, had to pay my mother's mortgage, flew back east to see family. In short, a tremendous amount of stress. During the first part of my trip I didn't count calories but ate very sensibly. By the time I got to the airport on the way home I was ordering a grilled cheese sandwich with onion rings. Since I've been back I've had pasta and eggs and potatoes and cheese and chocolate in unreasonable amounts. Not to mention salt. I've been exhausted and emotionally depleted and just eaten (and slept) my way through. I feel bloated. My face looks bloated and I've definitely gained weight in my face. Even my digestion is off again. I dreamt last night that people were congratulating me for something. It was a great feeling. I also had a poor digestion dream, which was not a good feeling. I need some inspiration to get back onto my program. I'll scour the web today for more inspiration.

In the 150s

I have finally gotten into the 150s! 159 to be exact, but I'll take it! I was out of town over the weekend and couldn't eat my usual stuff so I thought I had gained back a couple of pounds but I actually lost! While I was out of town I just tried to eat really sensibly. The first day I had a tuna sandwich with a light coleslaw for lunch and some salmon, brown rice, and broccoli for dinner. (I had my shake (Rainbow Light Chocolate Protein Energizer with a banana and some almond milk) for breakfast.) The next day I ordered oatmeal at a cafe but it turned out to be one of those sugary mixes, so I ate about a third of it and threw the rest away. I also had yogurt and some kind of green food bar that was 300 calories so I ate it half at a time. It's still a bit slow going toward my month goal, but it's happening. Patience.

slow slow

I've had my period this week and the weight loss has been really slow. However, I just cheered myself up by realizing that when I dropped below 164 pounds, I went from an "obese" BMI to an "overweight" BMI. So that was a milestone of sorts. I've been sticking to my calories this week, although I've had lots of cravings. One thing I've found useful is pure ground cacao (raw) powder. It's unsweetened and only about 60 calories per 2.5 tablespoons, so I can put a tablespoon in my coffee with a teaspoon of raw honey and have an outstanding mocha for about 45 calories! It beats the sugary cocoa mixes and for a lot fewer calories. I had crazy sushi cravings last night and went to Whole Foods and got spicy tuna and salmon nigiri. It's a little frustrating because sushi calories vary widely on the internet, and I did the best I could adding them up. I've been really fatigued all week, probably a combination of a lot of work and being on my period. I don't feel like I'm drastically under eating, although it would be easy to pig out, so I don't think the fatigue could be from the new eating plan per se. I'm just planning to hang in there and get a lot of sleep when I can. I know my body is going through changes, and I might even be releasing some toxins with the weight loss. Going to eat some tomato and fresh kale soup.

Twelve and a Half Pounds Gone!

This has been a tiring week! I couldn't wait to sleep in today (although 9:30 was as late as I could sleep, I usually get up at 6:30). After meeting my month goal last Friday I stayed in the same place with weight (and even went up half a pound one day) for six days! But in the last two days my weight has come down a pound and a half! I've been sticking with my same calorie range (about 1000 to 1150 this week)  so I'm not sure what accounts for the six day stand-still, except I will admit I ate higher fat foods on some of those days, though I counted them. If I were doing Weight Watchers new program my points would have been higher so maybe there's something to that. But I'm trying to keep it in balance, and I'm really pleased with the last two days. I'm trying to figure out if my clothes feel different. I think my jeans are bit more comfortable on me. They are stretch jeans anyway, but thinking back I was really busting out of them a couple of months ago. It seems like there are more wrinkles in them when I'm wearing them now. Pretty much all the pants I wear are stretchy, so it's a bit hard to tell. But those twelve and a half pounds have definitely come off from somewhere.

A friend of mine from Taiwan told me yesterday that she thinks my face looks slimmer. If she said it she definitely believes it, because she usually tells me I look tired, awful etc. if that's what she thinks. She's extremely blunt and even tactless in this sense by American standards. I finally asked her why she's so insulting sometimes and she told me it's a cultural thing - that she's my friend and she will call it like she sees it. So her observation about my face I will believe, though I can't see it myself.

It does make me realize how much extra weight I've been carrying around if I can lose twelve and a half pounds and not really detect much of a difference. I am soooo looking forward to the point where my weight loss becomes really noticeable. I'm also looking forward to wearing new clothes! As my weight increased, there were fewer and fewer things I could wear, and by a year ago I was pretty much down to a few pairs of pants/jeans and some large blouses. I had bought these because my older clothes were too small, but I haven't wanted to go shopping for a long time for two reasons: 1. I hate shopping, especially when I'm at my highest weight (few things fit right and those florescent lights don't help!) and 2. I really didn't want to buy any more "fat" clothes, because it felt like giving in.

A friend of mine is moving overseas and gave me a bunch of lovely colorful clothes last week. Sundresses, skirts, shirts, scarves. She's a few inches taller than me and not skinny but definitely lighter. As long as my progress keeps going, there's a good chance I could wear most of it this summer. It will be nice to wear more feminine flowing garments again. As I got heavier the "uniform" of jeans/slacks and blouses became more drab and straight-cut, to help hide my extra weight. I didn't want to wear dresses and skirts that just gave me the moo moo look.

So, right now it's all about consistency and patience. I keep reminding myself it does work. The numbers so far are real, even if I don't notice that much in the mirror yet. I didn't gain this weight in one month and it will take a while to get it off, but it's happening!